Behind every great women is a man checking out her ass.
No matter what women say: size does matter, it's not that often, it doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal.
I threw the neighbors a house warming party or arson as the judge referred to it...
I like sleeping naked. Why can't the flight attendant understand that?
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go down.
My neighbors love my music so much they invited the police over to listen.
Never raise your hand to a child.......it leaves your groin exposed.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2.30 am this morning. Can you believe that? 2.30 am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.
Talking on the phone to someone who has children must be comparable to talking to someone with Tourette syndrome
I got a letter this morning from Screw-fix Direct, thanking me for my interest, but explaining that they are not a dating agency
Next time someone tells you that your words can't hurt them, hit them in the face with a dictionary.
My wife asked me if I would remarry if she died. I said "No". She asked me "Why not?" and I said: "I'm not the kind of guy who will make the same mistake twice."
