Some Random Quotes, v3

I am not what you would call a handsome man. God did not choose to bless me with good looks, charm or a fully functional brain.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Knowledge is power and power corrupts. So, study hard and be evil.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point. What is she doing out of the kitchen?

Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the sink.

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives women crazy? A hundred dollar bill.

Why women don't need a drivers license? Because there is no road from the kitchen to the bedroom

The Devil made me do it.

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the use of alcohol

My doctor said I wouldn't get so many nose bleeds if I just keep my finger out of there.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

 I am cute and cuddly. Agree or die!

Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately deserves it.

10 Facts About You

1. You are reading this
2. You are realizing this is a stupid fact
4. You didn't realize that I skipped 3
5. You are checking now
6. You are smiling
7. You are still reading this
9. You didn't realize I skipped 8
10. You are smiling again
11. You are enjoying this
12. You didn't realize there are supposed to be 10

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Rifles Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's Rifle and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary Rifle doesn't mind if you keep another Rifle for a backup.
#6. Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A Rifle doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Rifles function normally every day of the month.
#3. A Rifle doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2. A Rifle doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.


And the number one reason a Rifle is favored over a woman:

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A RIFLE