Bad Pick-up Lines

Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is pretty fucked up.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at pickup lines, nice tits!

My doctor said the antibiotics worked this time.

Does this smell like chloroform to you?

You are the reason that god invented boners.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd stick my dick in your ass

What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

As long as I got a face you'll have a place to sit on!

Roses are red, violets are blue, fuck the rime, penis!

Did you fall from heaven? Because have sex with me!

Roses are red, violets are twisted.. Pull down your trousers, you're about to get fisted!

If you were a bogey, I'd pick you first

I just checked my schedule, and I'm pretty sure I can get you pregnant by this afternoon

There will be only 7 planets left in our solar system after I destroy uranus.

What is the difference between jam and peanut butter? I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass.

Sit on my face and I'll eat my way to your heart.

Some Random Quotes V8

The quickest way to a man's heart is to learn that there is no heart, only a penis. Concentrate on that!

Why don't the people who cite Bible verses ever cite Genesis 19:30-38, where Lot's daughters get him drunk and fuck him?

Ah, football. The beautiful game. The beautiful, corrupt, racist, anger-fueling, alcoholism-spreading, hooligan-spawning game.

"'Football'? In my country we call it 'soccer'!" Yes, and in your country you call a six-piece KFC extra-crispy bucket 'breakfast'.

A game in which players carry an egg in their hands can't be called "football" (call it handegg). A game where 22 players chase a ball for 90 minutes for a 0 : 0 score can't be called "entertaining".

Just for fun today: 1. Empty out mayo jar 2. Clean out mayo jar 3. Refill with vanilla pudding 4. Eat it in front of your coworkers 5. Enjoy